Now You See It, Now You Don’t

©Lisa Barker
If you have more than one child, you know that the groceries get divvied up before you even unload them.  It’s called a ‘pack mentality’ and some things immediately go on the endangered species list the minute they’re brought into the house, things like:
Cookies, chips & Juice Paks for school lunches:  Somewhere between the [...]

Navigating Commercial Landmines

©Lisa Barker
I’m waiting for one of the kids to ask me what reptile dysfunction is.  There’s no escaping the ads on television.  I imagine how the talk will go so that I’m prepared:
“What er-reptile dysfunction, Momma?”
“It’s what happens when your frog can’t catch flies anymore.  Or when your chameleon can’t change colors.  Or when your [...]

No More Momma’s Boy

©Lisa Barker
My sister and I share the same dilemma.  Both of us have boys that are no longer Mommy’s Little Love Dumpling.  Hers turned seven and mine turned five.
Hers has a crush now.  He floats on air…while my sister and her broken heart bob in the surf and get smashed on the rocks.  She’s no [...]

Survival of The Fittest Shopper

©Lisa Barker
It happens all the time.  People speed and chat on the phone while they eat lunch—all behind the wheel.  They have no problem multi-tasking in the car.  But put them behind a shopping cart at Walmart and these same people can’t walk and browse at the same time.
You can see the drool dangling off [...]

Demystifying The Cat Mystique

©Lisa Barker
As the ‘mother’ of seven cats, I am surrounded by felines daily.  This makes me an expert on cats, but you don’t need seven to understand their language.  One cat will be able to train you quite sufficiently.
There is the question mark tail that they greet you with, not to say, “How are you?  [...]

Ready or Not, Here He Comes

©Lisa Barker
My youngest has been playing school with his older siblings and now he feels ready to start kindergarten.
“Whoa!  You need to be five first.”
“But I’m ten.”
“Not quite.”
He recites his ABCs and counts to 100.  He spells his first name and sometimes his last name.  He likes rhyming and opposites.  When I cook dinner and [...]

He Is A Boy Therefore He Eats

©Lisa Barker
My oldest son is a large boy and will definitely be tall when he’s older.  For now he’s a ten-year old garbage disposal with legs.
I don’t know why I’m talking.  I’m a two hundred pound woman that eats like a garbage disposal.  I’m not fat yet, but I am fluffy.
Still, I can’t keep up [...]

You Can Always Count On Jelly Mom

©Lisa Barker
I’m thinking of changing my name to Gladys Knight, not because I can sing—poodles can sing better than I can—but because I’m surrounded by pips.
On his own, Pip Number One is perfectly content to focus on one thing (eating or building or reading or watching television) and give me a minute-by-minute report of his [...]

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