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Sex Starved Woman
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Find Romance Again
Romance Your Husband
Husband Has Low Sex Drive?
Sex-Starved Woman Seeks Help
Most women complain that men want to have sex
all the time. But with my husband (of only two weeks!), itís just the
opposite. Whenever I try to initiate sex he pushes me away. Iíve known him
for a year and heís always been like this. I initiate sex and then he
resists but eventually he gives in and we fool around. After a year and two
weeks, we still havenít consummated our relationship. I feel like I always
have to push him and I don't want to feel that way anymore.
I know he has been hurt many times and I know he
has low self-esteem. All three of his intimate relationships lasted for many
years. His last girlfriend told me that she would lay next to him naked and
he wouldn't ever touch her. Thatís why she cheated on him with everyone in
creation. I am committed to making this marriage work, but I don't know how
to approach the subject. Every time I bring it up he dodges the issue. I
need to know if this is some kind of serious problem. We don't have any
children but at this rate there is no way we'll ever have them. I am
desperate for some answers. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE help! I am begging here.
Hope to hear from you soon,
Dear Mrs. Sex-Starved,
Unfortunately, no one can accurately assess what the problem is between you
and your husband without knowing you. And although the situation doesnít
sound urgent yet, it does sound like an important issue to address early in
your marriage. Itís too easy for well-meaning couples who want to preserve
the peace to drift apart over important issues that really do need to be
talked about. A good marriage counselor can help you and your husband break
through the silence and develop the skills youíll need to talk about these
issues. In the meantime, I can give you some general information that may be
of some help.
Many factors can come into play when couples start having problems in the
bedroom. Low desire can simply be a temporary problem related to the natural
ebbs and flows of life. Or it can be a symptom of a more longstanding
problem: insecurity, inexperience, low self-esteem, poor body image,
ambivalence (about sex in general or sex with oneís partner in
particular), a history of sexual abuse or trauma, guilt about past behavior,
secrets, shame, or questions related oneís sexual orientation.
Low desire can also be related to a medical condition, or side effects
caused by medication. For example, chronic illness can dampen desire, as
will anything that robs a person of his vitality or diminishes his sense of
worth. Medications prescribed to treat high blood pressure or prostate
problems can make it difficult for men to achieve or maintain erections, as
will many of the most common anti-depressants.
A good marriage counselor can help you and your husband sort out whatís
causing his reluctance. Two weeks isnít a very long time to go without
sex, but youíre wise to try to get a dialogue going before the two of you
settle into a painful game of cat and mouse. For an excellent discussion of
this topic, you may want to check out Michele Weiner-Davisís latest book, The
Sex-Starved Marriage, which you can find in any good library or
bookstore. You can also find a licensed marriage counselor in your area by
going to: www.TherapistLocator.net
and typing in your zip code.
I hope this is helpful. My best to you and your husband.
Copyright reserved by author.
Betsy Sansby is a licensed marriage & family therapist whose private
practice is in her home near Minneapolis. Betsy is the coauthorówith her
husband--of seven books, and has just produced an ingenious communication
tool for couples called: The
OuchKit: A First-Aid Kit for Your Relationship. Clients who have used
the kit describe it as: ďCouples Therapy in a Box.Ē For more information
go to: www.theouchkit.com.
Send Betsy an email,
with your question.